Epic on the High Seas

July 24th, 2007 by Danny

WOW! That’s only way to possibly start this post which has automatically taken priority over posting my New York photos, simply due to its epic nature and the fact that for a moment, I felt I might not live to see 25. It was by far the craziest trip I’ve ever been on. It was, like one co-worker put it, “like Navy Seal training”.

It took a while to finally post this but I’ve taken the liberty of posting tons of pics and video shot by David and myself for your viewing pleasure. Read on and enjoy…

This voyage began on the afternoon of Thursday July 12. It was sales meeting time and after the shoe presentation on Thursday, we were going on a company trip to Catalina.

Now the sales meeting was in Redondo Beach, and I’ve been to Catalina a few times in the past, but I didn’t know you can get out there via Redondo (and I still think I’m right about that). We were going to be heading out there on something called the “Ocean Racer”. As we walked down by the docks, in my mind I was thinking that it could’ve been any of the boats around. I figured it had to be something big enough to hold at least 150 heads so any one of the nice yachts there could’ve been it. But I was wrong, so wrong. This is the “Ocean Racer”:

It’s a speed boat, a speed boat big enough to carry 140 people that, according to the captain, can cruise around 35mph (fast enough for a boat). He told us that he doesn’t normally take anyone to Catalina. The boat is made for taking people around the harbor on little 15 minute “weeee!” excursions, so this was already kinda pre-gnarly.

Upon loading the vessel I rushed to the front of the boat since it would probably be the driest seat. I don’t think many people on the boat thought about the possiblity of getting wet. After all we weren’t really told anything like “pack warm” or “you may get wet”, but I assumed that this thing would be hauling ass down the ocean in very windy conditions and yes people would be getting wet, so to the front of the boat it was.

In my two years working for the company, I’ve heard my share of tales about the drunken madness that ensues at these things. I mean I’ve experienced it once or twice before, but today, today was going to be something special.

As we sat there waiting for the last of the passengers to load, it began. The two coolers of beer on board slowly began to dissapear. Morale was high, people were “stoked”, it looked like it was going to be a fun trip out, but once the boat finally got out of the harbor, things started going south.

It was incredibly windy. Too windy to go 35, but it felt like we were going at the very least 25. We’d hit little wakes along the way that would get us hopping around and send a spray that was to be honest, way more then a fucking spray, it was more like a wave. Immediately there was panic/surprise as everyone from the middle of the boat down got soaked. I got wet myself up front but nothing compared to the dousing that the back end was getting. Not being prepared for the wetness + the cold breeze made the voyage over pretty shitty for most. Oh, and also, since the boat isn’t meant for long journeys, there were no bathrooms on board. Plenty of cold beer, but no restroom. The captain suggested that if anyone really had to go, ladies could go into a holding tank with nothing to wipe, and the dudes could piss out the back and try not to piss on themselves or anyone sitting back there.

It was a long wet journey bouncing towards Catalina making what seemed to be no progress. We’d keep looking back and see how close we still where to Redondo. The whole ass of the boat started to come forward towards the drier front end of the boat. We had these red ass cushions that ended up being used as spray shields. Along the way we also noticed that the right side of the boat was a bit drier so there was also a steady migration to that end to avoid the spray. The captain had to stop the boat a few times and tell everyone to keep an even keel since the weight shift to one side was making steering a bitch.

By the time we got to the last leg of trip, the beer supply was long gone. We were tired, wet, and salty. The same could be said about the Subway sandwiches that were in a box on the back of the boat. But alas, Avalon harbor came into view and everyone got ready to get off. Some people couldn’t wait for the boat to dock and decided to make a jump for the dock. David and I were trying to figure out what everyone was going to be doing. A couple of guys were going to golf, but the vast majority had one goal, and that was to drink the island dry.

David and I decided to follow one small group heading to Descanso Beach to enjoy some kayaking and swimming, and the bar 10 feet from the water. Everyone else went off in separate directions towards the other bars on the island. Along the way we got to look down into the water, which was ridiculously clear, and spot the bright orange Garibaldi fish swimming around the kelp forest. The beach itself was pretty lively. Within a few minutes everyone was setting up on the sand getting their drink on enjoying the sun. I opted not to have one of the wet, salty sandwiches on the boat so I was pretty damn hungry. We walked back towards the harbor and spotted some colleagues at this really good pizza joint and sat down for some grub.

After lunch we bumped into some of the other guys. They were wearing these straw island hats. We were later informed that they had just had “their wicky’s wacked”. You get the hat for ordering some specialty drink at this one bar. So if there’s a straw hat, there’s a wacked wicky. We headed back down to Descanso to see what everyone else was up to. Everyone was all over the beach. Some just lounging at the bar, working on their tans, some on the sand, a few in the water, and even a couple kayaking to some rock to jump off of.

Walking over to the bar I noticed one of the Russian sales reps was just gone. A few people were standing around taking pictures of him. Poor dude was drunk and sleepy wicky wack hat and all. We sat around for a little bit just relaxing and taking in the sites.

When we had first got off the boat, the captain told us all that we needed to be back on the boat and heading home at 7:00 sharp. So we had a little time to kill before we started walking back. So after relaxing for a solid 45 minutes, we started the walk back. It was 6 and we looked like we were the only ones making our way to the boat. Everyone else was still enjoying drinks at the beach. This gave me some time to go find a cheap sweater for the ride home. I nearly froze on the way over, so the ride back was definitely going to be a little colder. I went into a few shops bumping into drunk coworkers along the way, and picked myself up a “Catalina Life Guard” sweater. Back by the dock a few (literally like a friggin’ hand full) had gathered to watch some volleyball before the ride home. I took a few pictures while I waited for 6:45 to roll around.

It was like 6:50 when the boat started heading back to pick us up. “us” was a lot more people on the way over then right at that moment when only 15 people were actually there ready to board. I ran up to the front of the boat again and took my seat and watched madness slowly unravel.

This is the point were this whole trip began to go insane. The captain kept shouting through his hammy that we needed to call whoever was missing and get them on board because we were way behind and had to leave. He actually threatened to take off a few times, but slowly the rest of the company started to stumble back. Every couple of minutes we could see someone running towards the dock, or walking over just about to fall over. This continued for a solid 15-20 minutes until the boat was nearly full. It was rowdy. I remember thinking to myself, “well they can’t drink anymore, there’s no more beer on the boat.” and just then, a taxi pulled up, one of our dudes jumped out and asked for some guys to go down and lend a hand. The side door of that van slid open to reveal a back seat stacked with cases of beer. Everyone on board let out a drunken roar and as soon as that beer got on deck it began to get passed around. It was funny to see everyone laughing and getting psyched for the ride home. The passengers on the big Catalina Express boats were all out looking over at our boat wondering what the hell was going on. The captain was pissed and gave a final call. When it looked like everyone was there, he started to take off.

We finally got out of the harbor close to around 8-o-clock. We were supposed to be outta there at 7. I put on my “Catalina Life Guard” sweater and got comfy up front. Someone bought an umbrella to shield from the splash in the center of the boat. It was cold, very windy, and very choppy. Not a soul onboard was ready for what was to come next. The beer was flowing and everyone was 50x more rowdy then when we first got there. I was a little nervous about the choppiness, but based on the ride over, I felt I should be fairly dry where I was sitting.

I was so horribly mistaken. THERE WASN’T A DRY SEAT ON THAT DAMN BOAT.

Everyone got soaked. The boat was hopping along sending up waves. No one was safe. People were drunk, cold, loud, and wet. To think I wasn’t going to buy a sweater. I got drenched. Quickly people tried to avoid the water by crouching in the aisle, but that only delayed the inevitable.

A few of the guys said “screw this” and embraced the cold waves, beers in hand, everyone else let out angry/bummed moans after every wave. All the movement on board started pissing off the captain yet again. Conditions weren’t safe and we were throwing off the boats keel, which actually made the waves worse and got everyone that much more wet. That umbrella didn’t last long, and one of the girls lost her hat. David and I whipped out our cameras to capture the madness in between waves. My semi safe haven up front ended up being invaded by one of the drunkest people on board who was practically passing out. I can’t exactly count the number of cans that got dumped on me due to this dude raising his can in the air talking about how he wanted to buy a boat, and how this was the greatest ride of his life. He kept blacking out so he was slowly pushed back towards the back where he could take a seat.

The view from the front of the boat was insane. We could see every wave coming our way for miles. At the back of the boat, it was a combination of water and beer being shot up in the air. It was madness. The captain continued to stop the boat telling everyone to sit down and stop moving around. It was nuts I’m still surprised we didn’t flip over or lose anyone overboard. I was fully prepared to have the boat flip, it was getting so sketchy. It was switching back and forth from right to left way too hard. All this within 30 minutes of leaving the harbor, we had a whole 2 hours left to go.

Things didn’t settle down until the sun quickly set in the horizon, and a second time when the boat took a real nasty dip that snapped everyone back to reality for a brief moment. But these moments of peace were again, short lived, and the party continued. Words don’t do it justice. The pictures can give you some idea, and the video at the bottom can really show you what it was like. Fucking epic.

An hour and a half later, and god knows how many gallons of water, we arrived back at redondo. The captains final shut down of the boat was followed by a little speech saying he wouldn’t turn the boat back on until whoever was in charge got everyone under control. He also suggested everyone stop drinking, but he got booed and laughed at. We were all so crusty and just soaked to the bone. A lot of cell phones and cameras destroyed. But with the dock so close we kept our spirits up. It felt so good to be on land again. we all had sea legs but made our way to drier places. David and I went straight to the car to drive home, but the party continued for the majority.

The next day we heard that not everyone came back on our boat. One man was left behind, and check this, he bought a ticket for the Catalina Express, got to Long Beach, took a taxi to Redondo, showered, had a few drinks, and we still hadn’t gotten back. This trip was definitely one for the books. epic.

Enjoy some video footage, takes a bit to load, but worth the wait.

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