Life Lately…
November 15th, 2008 by Danny
It’s been a pretty amazing pair of months. Most people that I’ve talked to agree that there is something lurking in the air. A combination of awesomeness, and total depression. It’s this general vibe that’s kept me from blogging lately. The amount of stress and anxiety however has just about taken it’s toll, and maybe writing about it all will help.
Like most times in my life there’s usually a shit storm that follows awesome events. In this case it was my trip to Yosemite with my friend Dave. I finally decided to take a real vacation and get away from the city to relax and regroup. We had an amazing time, and there are tons of stories to tell about the trip which I’ll do later when I have time to look through all the photos. Upon returning from the trip, I felt renewed and ready to get back to work. Everything was too cool though, and some sort of downer was bound to happen.
Unless you’ve been living under a rock you know that the economy has been in the shitter for some time now. It’s one of those things that have never really truly hit home for me. The Wednesday after returning from my trip it became a pretty harsh reality. 22 people were laid off at work, a few of which I considered really good friends. It was fucking ridiculous. There isn’t much to say about it but that. Luckily I wasn’t one of the many that got let go, and although it was something to be thankful for, it still sucked. Something about the layoffs didn’t make sense. People who were needed were let go and someone who’s taking up space was still there. It just didn’t make sense.
The rest of the day was surreal. Slowly I started coming to terms with the fact that I’d have to be doing a lot more work. Then there was a meeting that concluded with an announcement that the salaries of all remaining employees would be cut by as much as 10%. Nail in the coffin. More work to do, and less pay to do it. Everyone was bummed. The knot in my stomach tightened and to this day it has not released its grip. Plans to finally move in December have been put on hold, and for me that’s something that’s been very hard to deal with. I’ve had to constantly go back and forth in my head about what I should do. Do I stay or do I go? On one hand I’ve dedicated a large amount of my life to this job since I started there July 11, 2005 and leaving would feel like I’m turning my back on family, but on the other things could be way better somewhere else.
It’s been a few weeks now since that nightmare. I have since decided to stick it out and try to at least make a positive change. If anything, I want to know that I did my part and I won’t regret having stayed. Along the way there have also been some victories. For one, we have a new president that will be coming into office and he’s bound to make a difference. I think that whether or not you voted for the guy, you have to be happy that change is inevitable. It’s a big step forward for Americans. Then there’s prop 8. Just another fucking bummer. How we as a people can’t let human beings be just that, is fucking unbelievable! It’s mind blowing. Again something very gross in the air. It’s rough times all around.
I haven’t been able to really let go and let things be what they are. I’ve been feeling so ridiculously tense. My shoulders, chest, and stomach have just been locked up. I need to take deep breaths and have faith that everything will be ok. There’s an ulcer in my stomach now and I can’t freak out about it. I need to just let things heal and learn to just relax. The last thing I need is to incur some serious physical harm because of all this. It has slowly been getting ever so slightly better with the help and support of the people around me. I want them to know how thankful I am. They’re all going through hard times too.
I’ve tried to make the most of the situation and use it for a means of finding out more about myself. I’ve been getting back to doing what I love, and it has helped. I’ve been shooting more, drawing more, making music and trying to make the best of a very shitty situation. But I can’t wait for things to get better. They have to, and when they do, I think we’ll all be a lot more appreciative of what we have. Take care people, and thank you friends for hearing me out and helping me get through this.
